Letting Go
by Jen Drake
Summary: Shoone songfic to Lifehouses' Blind.


Disclaimer: Lost characters belong to ABC, JJ Abrams, Damon Lindelof and Touchstone. I'm just borrowing them. Lyrics are copyrighted to Lifehouse and I'm just borrowing those too.

Summary: Response to the challenge to use the song "Blind" in a story. Boone let's go of Shannon.

Pairing: Shannon/Boone

Rating: G

Spoilers: mentions the death in _Deus Ex Machina_. Also part of Shannon's flashback from _Abandoned_

Letting Go

_I was young but I wasn't naive  
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave  
And still I have the pain I have to carry  
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried_

Boone sat in the hot sunshine, the sand digging into his knees as he followed her across the beach with his gaze. She was oblivious to his attention, too busy talking and laughing with Sayid to even notice his presence. To notice his gaze, to notice his attention, to notice him. They had been so young when they'd first met- it seemed so long ago. Looking across the sandy shore at Shannon, Boone felt as if he'd known her forever. It had been over half his life, but he felt as if it'd been longer. He couldn't remember when he'd started to fall in love with Shannon. He just knew that he did.

When Boone pictured his life, he'd always pictured Shannon right there- right beside him. He'd never once thought that she could ever be cruel or cause him pain. Until he'd arrived in Sydney. His heart had broken when he'd realized her scam. He'd loved her unconditionally, uncontrollably and against all odds. And she'd just used him. And yet he still loved her. His blue gaze traveled over her frame as she walked with Sayid. She was still tall and thin- a model's body- but none of that mattered to him. He loved who she was on the inside.

He still remembered the considerate, warm and caring person she'd once been. The person she was when no one else was around. When she didn't have a persona to don. The person she was with him was the Shannon he loved. Here on the island, though, she was completely different.

_After all this timeI never thought we'd be here  
Never thought we'd be here  
When my love for you was blind  
But I couldn't make you see it  
Couldn't make you see it  
That I loved you more than you'll ever know  
A part of me died when I let you go_

They'd come so close to having it all- they were close and they'd been together in every way imaginable, but Shannon had pushed him away. Boone had done what he'd had to, he'd let her go. Let her have the final say- the final decision. In the end, her decision had pushed them father apart. Now they hardly spoke without a snarky comment, a rude remark or an accusatory tone. Boone used to hope that one day he'd wake and it would all have been a dream- that it was all like it had been before. Before the scamming had started, before things had changed for the worse. When they were both happy and had dreams of their own.

_I would fall asleep  
Only in hopes of dreaming  
That everything would be like is was before  
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting  
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor_

but everyday he woke and they were still on the island- they were still lost. His dreams were washed away with the tide, were crushed and stomped out like a cigarette butt. Looking away from Shannon, Boone looked out at the ocean. The waves were high a few miles out, crashing and tumbling over one another in a competition to get to the shore. At the shoreline, the waves that managed to make it all the way in were small and gently lapped at the wet sand where its predecessor had been moments earlier.

His dreams were waves- they started off high and exciting with extreme force but by the time daybreak came, they had dissipated and died down to be nothing more than a memory. His gaze traveled from the sea back to Shannon. She was laughing and flirting with Sayid- something she did far too often in Boone's opinion. A minuscule smile made its way onto his face when he remembered the times when he had been in Sayid's position. When she'd smiled at him and unknowingly flirted with him.

_After all this time  
I never thought we'd be here  
Never thought we'd be here  
When my love for you was blind  
_

his heart ached to see her with Sayid. Despite their connection in society, he'd had a feeling about her since they'd met. After Shannon's father had died it had all changed. Boone and Shannon had been close like they used to be when they were younger. He'd hated squashing her dreams of New York when she'd asked to stay with him.

He'd hated telling her that he was moving and couldn't help her. The look in her eyes had been stuck in his mind ever since. Every time she looked at him even when she was smiling at him, that's what he saw. That disappointed, devastated and heartbroken look. It killed him every time. Closing his eyes, Boone shook his head, trying to rid himself of his thoughts. He'd done what he'd had to do to survive. He'd pushed her away because her feelings hadn't been the same.

_But I couldn't make you see it  
Couldn't make you see it  
That I loved you more than you'll ever know  
A part of me died when I let you go_

Biting his bottom lip, Boone realized what he had to do- he had to make everything right. He didn't have much time left and he wanted it to count. Shannon had known that he was in love with her, she'd seen right through his act.

_After all this time  
Would you ever wanna leave it  
Maybe you could not believe it_

Standing, Boone walked toward Shannon slowly, his heart warming when she glanced over Sayid's shoulder and grinned at him. It was the smile she had just for him, a wide smile that ended with her biting her bottom lip uncertainly as she looked down with a slight rosy tint to her cheeks. His heart warmed at seeing it and he faltered, considering to change his mind. When she looked away from him completely, the warm feeling dissipated a bit and he knew he had to continue.

_  
That my love for you was blind  
But I couldn't make you see it  
Couldn't make you see it_

"Hey Shan, can I see you for a minute?" Boone asked when he stood next to the pair. her happy demeanor disappeared immediately at the tone in his voice.

"What?" she asked snottily, putting up her defenses. Boone shook his head, smiling knowingly as she put on the 'spoiled rich girl' persona everyone knew so well. "I'm in the middle of something."

"It'll only take a minute, Shannon," Boone remarked softly.

"Make it quick," she followed him away from Sayid, out of his view. "What?" Boone just looked at her, his intense gaze flicking over her face, memorizing every tiny detail that he could. "Boone?" she spoke softer now, the facade had disappeared and she was just his Shannon again. "Boone, what's wrong?"

How was he supposed to tell the woman he loved that he wouldn't be around much longer? That he'd be gone in a few days. He didn't know how he knew, but he had a feeling that something was going to happen- something that would end with his demise.

"Nothing's wrong, Shan," Boone shook his head, avoiding her gaze so she wouldn't know he was lying. "I just wanted to tell you that I-" Boone blinked away tears that threatened to blur his vision.

"Boone, you're scaring me." Looking in her eyes, he grimaced at the frightened look he saw- the look he'd put there.

"Promise me one thing, Shannon," Boone turned away from her, looking out into the jungle.

"What's going on?" she asked nervously. He knew she was chewing on her fingernails- she always did when she was nervous. She stepped closer to him- he could feel her presence behind him, could hear the sand crunch as she stepped forward. Then she laid a delicate hand on his shoulder. He turned and his heart swelled. She gave him a small smile. "Boone, what's going on?"

_That I loved you more than you will ever know  
A part of me died when I let you go_

"I want you to promise me something," he was serious as he spoke. She frowned but nodded that she would. "Be happy, Shan," he gave his one of his signature half smiles. He turned and started to walk away from her. He was two steps into the jungle when her hand landed on his shoulder, spinning him around.

"Boone?" her eyes were glossy with tears that threatened to fall. "What's going on?" she asked for the third time. With no one around, Boone slowly tugged her to him. He looked down at her and was surprised when she didn't pull away from him. On an impulse, he bent his head and pressed his lips to hers tentatively. After a moment the kiss intensified and he was even more surprised when she deepened it.

He was in heaven- his heart soared, his mind raced and he was complete. When the kiss broke, he backed away from her and smiled when he saw her eyes still closed, a smile forming on her face. When she opened her eyes, Boone's smile widened. She was happy-he could see it. Then he remembered what he'd set out to do. He hated to do it, he could feel his heart breaking- could feel some invisible force around it constricting him, making his chest tighten.

"Be happy, Shannon," he stepped back when she stepped closer to him. "And remember that..." he looked at her face and trailed off. "I love you. No matter what happens, remember that, Shan. I want you to be happy." Then he turned and walked into the jungle, ignoring her cries and pleas as she called after him in confusion.

The feeling of completeness was depleting and being replaced by an empty feeling. When a single tear ran down his cheek, Boone knew part of him had died. It was only a matter of time before the rest of him did as well. He knew that the Shannon he knew would be sad at first, but he also knew that with time, she'd be happy again. Someday they'd meet again and everything would be perfect.

When he finally turned around to look at her, he saw he slowly turning away from him and he bit his tongue to keep from calling out to her as she wiped tears off her cheeks. He steeled himself from his emotions and let her go.

_  
And I loved you more than you'll ever know  
A part of me dies when I let you go_

Authors Note: I've never answered a challenge on here before. I've also never written a Shoone fic. I tend to stick with Skate, but the song seemed to fit more with Shoone. I'm sure they're both very out of character in the little dialogue and actions I've given them both, but I tried. Any constructive criticism is welcome as long as it's in a friendly way. Lol. So...like, dislike? Be honest but polite please.:)


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